I’m just a lonely 32 year woman who takes care of other peoples kids- Wishing I had a life. I have a great job and I love being a nanny. I have had the same job now for 9 years. I just find myself having more conversions with little kids then I do with adults. I spend a lot of my time driving kids and teens around to all their activities. I feel like a taxi driver that never gets a break. If I’m not driving kids around I love to go to the gym and work out. In hopes that one day I may make friends with someone there around my same age.
I only have 2 really good friends that I hang out with- one who lives two hours away and my other friend who has four kids and a husband. You would think that living in the same town for 20 years I would have more friends- well not me. I never really go out on the weekends and if I do go out at night I go shopping at one of those 24 hours stores that has everything you need. If I’m not shopping I’m at home watching TV. I do however, spend a lot of time with my friend with the four kids but with four kids and being married, there is not a whole lot of times where we go out without the kids. I think the last time I went to a bar with friends was like 8 months ago. I just wish I had more friends. I have even tried to take classes like art and pottery and so on. Thinking that maybe there will be some men there that may have the same interests as me but I have come to find out that it just a room full of women. And I thought that maybe I could make friends with some of the girls that were in my class. Someone I could call a friend- one who I could hang out with. It turns out that there were some that where much older than me or they all had busy lives or they came to class with their own friends.
In my 32 years I have had only one boyfriend. My friends have tried setting me up with men. The first guy they set me up with was a mommy’s boy who still lived with his mom and dad at the time. I met up with him twice and when we did meet he could only hang out with me for a like an hour or so. I remember asking him if he would like to go to lunch and he said he had to ask his mom first. This is no joke. I was there when he called her! He told me once that his mom said he had to be home by one in the afternoon. If we went out at night he had to be back by ten. He always had to ask his mom first before he did anything. We were in our late 20’s at the time you would think that at that age you would be free to do whatever you want- Well not this guy.
The one guy I did date as a boyfriend was only for like 3 months. I met him online but we never really seemed to go out a lot. We just hung out a lot at his place but I did have a lot of fun hanging out with him at his place- we watched movies and talked. When we did go out he would never hold my hand or walk next to me. If you saw us you would think that we were just good friends. It was New Years Eve and I was still dating the same guy that I was dating for 3 months and on that New Years Eve we were hanging out with one other couple and it struck midnight and everyone was kissing. I was the only one in the bar whose date was not kissing her. That’s when I knew it was over. The next week he instant messaged me on the online scrabble game that we were playing. In the message he tells me that it’s not going to work out anymore and can we just be friends. I was shocked that he would break up with me online like that. After that I tried online dating through one of the dating services online. I found a guy who lived in the same town as me and we talked on the phone for a week and we texted when we were at work. It seemed as if things were going fine. A week passed and we agreed to meet face to face at a restaurant. Let me remind you that we had never really met before- we only had seen each other’s pictures. So we agree to meet at 6pm. I’m 15 mins early so I go in and wait for him in the waiting room. It 6 o’clock and he’s not here so I’m still waiting. 15 min passed- he still was not there. I thought to myself, where on god’s green earth is he? I talked to him like an over an hour ago! Its like almost 6:30 and he has the gull to text me and ask me where I am. I told him that I’m in the restaurant waiting for him. I also text him where have you been? And he says that he was in his car waiting for me. Like I said we have never meet. So how on earth would he know what I look like other then my picture? We eat and we talk but we never really hit it off. We did go out and play some pool at a bar after we ate dinner. It was fun meeting someone new but I just wasn’t feeling it. It felt more like I was hanging out with my brother. When we were at the bar playing pool there was some other men checking me out. My date would point out all the guys at the bar that where checking me out he would even say that they were hitting on you and so on. I just thought that was weird that he was saying that stuff when we are on a date. We met up one last time to talk- we meet for breakfast and then we take a long walk at the park and as we walk back to our cars he says that it not going to work out. He uses the can we just be friends line. I said great- maybe some time I could come over and I could bring my Wii, some pizza and beer and we could hang out. He said no we can’t do that were just friends. I thought to myself well that’s what friends do- drink and have fun. After we left the park we never really talked much after that. What guy would turn down free pizza beer with a fun lady friend? He did say that we were just friends- So I thought well then we could hang out some time and play my Wii. But no- apparently that isn’t what friends do. That was the end of that guy and the end of online dating.
I just wish I had a guy that I could call my friend as well as my boyfriend- one that will hold my hand when were out- one loves me for who I am. What does it takes for me to find a nice guy? I have tried to going out to the bar once by myself and it didn’t turn out well. I only drank one beer just to be safe. I went out to the dance floor to dance and one of the girls said to me- you can’t dance by yourself. That’s when I knew never to go out by yourself to the bars. No one really talked to when I was there. It wasn’t what I thought it would be like at all.
I will never forget the new years eve of 2010. My good friend that lives 2 hours from me would have New Year’s parties that were fun little house parties. It was NYE 2010 that she had me and all of her friends meet her at the bar. It was almost midnight and my friend tells me she is going to go out and watch the fireworks with rest of our group. I said that I’m going to stay inside and dance some more (just to let you know, I have been drinking that night and I never really drink but maybe once a year on NYE). So they weren’t playing my song and I went outside looking for my friends. I could not find them- but I did find these nice people that where outside. Two guys and two girls and it was like almost midnight at that time and one of the guys said to me- it looks like you need a new year’s kiss! I was like hell yeah! That’s when I got my first New Years Eve kiss. It seemed as if we kissed for a long time. And then we kissed once more before the fireworks ended. I went back into the bar looking for my friends and it turns out that they were on the other side of the street. I was all red in the face and gleaming when I got back I went into the bar to find my friends as I was walking in they were walking in at the same time as me. My friends said- where did you go and I told them I went outside looking for you guys and I could not find you but I did find these nice guys and one of the guys gave me a kiss! I told them everything that had happened by midnight (I was a little tipsy I had like 5 beers by that time and I’m a lightweight). I told them that I got my first New Years Eve kiss. One of the girls said- you got your first kiss ever? I said no I have kissed other guys before. But I will never forget that night. I have never met anyone nicer than that guy. I have had guys in the past buy me drinks before or dance with me but no one has ever kissed me out of the blue like that. It’s hard to go to parties like New Years Eve with no date when everyone there has a date. My good friend that lives two hours away almost always invites the same people almost every year. It’s nice to see them at the parties. There are really cool people and always nice to me- asking me how I’m doing and so on. We’ll always get a long great- we all have so much fun. I guess you could say that their my friends but just not close friends.
I would give anything to have a boyfriend for NYE this year. I would love to show up at my friend’s party and say- hey everyone look at my new boyfriend! isn’t he so hot? We would have so much fun. I would get another New Years Eve kiss. But this time I would be kissing my boyfriend and not some random guy on the street. Now If only I knew some kind of magic where I could make that happen. Well I don’t, so I will just have to let nature take its course and just wait and see what happens. Maybe this year is my year and I find that one guy. it could happen you never know.
I almost came close to talking to a guy once. I was at a secondhand store and there where these two guys shopping at the store shopping for camping stuff and the two of them seem as if there were best friends. I was at the back of the store where I ran into these guys. I turn to look at one of them and then we just stare at each other and when he passed me he says excuse me and I would say the same. Every few minutes he and I would stare at each other- it was cute. He went to the other side of the store and so did I and when we saw each other we would still just stare at each other never saying anything. I felt something when I looked at him. He had that look like he was somewhat in to me. But of course I never said anything I just paid for my stuff and left. See the thing is I always have something to say. Some people say I talk too much. Ever since I was little I could remember I would talk to all kinds of people in the stores and everywhere else I would go. I would walk up to the store clerk and ask them where are the bathrooms- at the age of five. Why could I not talk to this guy? What was holding me back? Now only if I had talk to him just maybe I would have a boyfriend and I would not be sitting here writing this blog I guess I just need to get out more. I don’t want to be that 40 year old cat lady who talks to her cats all the time.
